I was meant to be travelling to Italy this weekend to commentate on the women’s 6 nations match; the last round of this year’s tournament. This is not happening now due to reasons that I probably don’t need to go in to here but I would like to share the biggest impact that this is having on me. Not the loss of income (though that is quite bad), but the fact that I will be missing out on the opportunity of a whole night’s worth of unbroken sleep. Unbroken nights are like Gold Dust for parents of little one’s – actually they are rarer than gold dust. The number of times my husband does the washing up? Actually, that is unfair he has actually done some recently. The number of times in the last year I have been to the gym? That has been a rarity but it has happened a couple of times. First session lasted 22 minutes, second session was 27 minutes. Even rarer than that? The number of times England Men’s Coach Eddie Jones has provided a measured, respectful, enjoyable, sportsman like and disciplined post-match interview whilst also understanding his role as the top coach in England and hence his position as a role model? Yes, that is it. Unbroken nights sleep for parents of young children are as rare as that. And whilst we are on the subject someone please remind me of the values of England rugby again? Eddie do you know?
And back to Eddie I have started one of those hashtag things: #CanISellMoreBooksThanEddieJones – it is yet to trend but you never know. I started this because I am actually selling a book. So, this means that it is theoretically possible to sell more books than Eddie Jones who also has a book out. My book is called #MudMaulMascara ; Eddie might not know what his book is called because it is unlikely that he wrote any of it himself. Anyway, I think that is enough plugging for now. I will do some more next time and then probably the next time and probably the next time after that. Until I have sold more books than Eddie. So, I would suggest you get everyone you know to buy #MudMaulMascara otherwise you are going to get very, very bored.
And sticking with rugby, that Jo Marler incident has divided the nation like Brexit, he is the marmite of rugby personalities. I am not sure how to eloquently describe his actions on the rugby pitch so for those of you who have been hanging out in the household items aisle of your local supermarket and don’t know what I am talking about type ‘Jo Marler balls incident’ in to your internet search engine and it won’t take you long to be up to scratch. As you will see Alun Wyn-Jones was tickled on the delicate’s by Marler. My opinion? What an idiot. Right that’s done. Next?
International Women’s Day – what do we think about that? It was on 8th March in case you were not aware. I am not sure to be honest. I feel I need one of those car bumper stickers that says dogs are for life, not just for Christmas. Instead replace with I am for life, not just for international Women’s Day. That is essentially my full analysis and thoughts on it wrapped up in a car bumper sticker analogy. If only everything was that easy.
Coronavirus. Took me ages to buy my basket of shopping yesterday. Queues everywhere. People with full trollies everywhere. Me and #BabyBear just with our little basket. Not panic buying anything. Because, quite frankly, I don’t understand why we need to. Why do we need loads of toilet roll? Am I missing something? The potentially embarrassing thing is that J always bulk buys toilet roll because I think it saves him about 0.00004p per sheet of paper. This annoys me somewhat because I then have to find somewhere to store 96 rolls of loo roll. It then means we don’t have to buy any for weeks but we are near the bottom of our current stock so will be ordering our standard bulk lot soon. People will think that we are panic buying when we really are not. I will have to discuss this with J. We may have to go without toilet roll for a while rather than make our normal bulk order for fear of the embarrassment and potential accusations and Jeremy Vine from Radio 2 asking us why we are bulk buying which will then lead to other people bulk buying because they think that they should because they have heard that people on the radio are doing so which will then ultimately lead to mass panic buying. There are lots of people who own bidets who are laughing at the rest of us right now. All I can say on the matter is that it is a good job we don’t find standard, boring flu as interesting as this virus otherwise we would be panic buying for life and not just for Coronavirus. In summary, buy yourself a copy of #MudMaulMascara before it is too late. There could be all kinds of uses of a hardback book in times of crisis – just please read it before you do anything else with it.