So, I only went and did it! I, Catherine, went swimming. I went to my local leisure centre, I put a swimming costume on and I actually paid my own money to get in a very large tank of water and swim. I was anxious but with the support of my friend it was actually an ok experience. I didn’t drown, I didn’t have a panic attack; I didn’t have to put my head in the water – the whole thing was really quite calm. I admit that I will have to at some point put my head in the water if I want to progress from my granny breaststroke style but one step at a time. I managed 14 lengths and stayed in the pool for 30 minutes. Well done me. It did feel like I was swimming through treacle, my arms hurt after the first length and I had to take regular breaks but we are going again next week. Thank you Caz! Anyway, enough gloating.

What else has happened this week? We have seen Baby Bear again with our 20-week scan, Baby Bear definitely has J’s eyes and I can already tell that Baby Bear will be an incredible athlete and do well at school and read music and speak seven languages and be a very kind human being and fight for global peace and harmony. We also know with more certainty and backed up by actual science that Baby Bear is healthy and everything is as it should be at this stage of pregnancy. We now also know whether we will need to have awkward conversations about periods at some point in the future or whether we will need to explain the difference between a hipster beards and genuine, proper beards. J sports a genuine, impressive, proper beard with no ‘hipsterness’ anywhere of which I am very happy. If the former menstrual cycle conversational route is the one that we will be going down, at some point many years away Baby Bear will need to pluck her chin on a regular basis to avoid developing an actual beard but she will have to find that out for herself because I will either be long gone by that time or she will take one look at my unplucked 80 plus year old chin and understand the need to reach for the tweezers.

In the news Brexit continues to rumble along on its farcical, slightly unbelievable, have to laugh otherwise might cry, let’s have a look at where else in the world we can move to kind of way. Social media feeds, radio programmes, lifestyle magazines are full of lovely, helpful advice on how we can all be a size 10 and eat nothing but vegetables and fruit smoothies all day and be happy. We may as well dream of a life that we won’t lead, and be miserable and then run for the overpriced magazines again next year after we have failed to achieve the life that we have been told we should dream of again. Oh, I think I have just worked out what marketing is. Hmm clever. How can I give the ‘eat sensibly and in moderation, but sometimes eat chocolate and takeaways and not feel guilty and exercise a bit’ diet and lifestyle a clever name and make lots of money? I will work on it and reveal all in January 2020, for a price of course.

Jeff the fern is doing well, I have had to take over full caring responsibility this week whilst J is away with work. I think that this has brought myself and Jeff closer in our relationship. I can tell though that Jeff misses J, as do I, but don’t tell him! J sent me a card and a present that arrived in the post while he was away. J has added to his growing tally of husband points with this; he is well in credit at the moment. Hopefully J is not following the utility billing structure and just stockpiling through the winter. I am obviously very happy for his tally to remain high all year round!